Beyond “You Look Great”: What Young Adults With Brain Cancer Want You to Understand

Post by Megan Cannone, LCSW-C, OSW-C, OPN-CG

I waited until DIPG Awareness Day, May 17th, to write this in memory of Lauren Costanzo, whose life was taken far too soon by this devastating disease. May is also Brain Cancer Awareness Month, a time that asks us not only to recognize diagnoses, but to truly listen to the people living with them.

I have been a clinical social worker since 2009, with my work rooted in hospice and oncology care. While these specialties shaped my career, the greatest lessons have never come from textbooks or training manuals. They have come from patients and families who allowed me to walk beside them during some of the hardest moments of their lives. They have trusted me to hold their hand, sit in silence, advocate, cry, laugh, and sometimes simply witness.

The inspiration for this blog came from a recent young adult support group I facilitated through Keep Punching. During the discussion, I asked participants how Brain Cancer Awareness Month affects them. Their responses were powerful, honest, and deeply reflective of what I have heard from so many young adults navigating cancer. With permission to share their experiences while honoring privacy, I felt compelled to bring their voices forward.

Some of the statements shared were:

• “Survivorship feels like a lie.”
• “Stop saying, ‘You look great’ or ‘You’re so strong.’ I don’t feel strong.”
• “I adjust and grieve every day.”
• “Cancer is not something to win.”
• “Learn the difference between cure versus control.”
• “I don’t feel connected to the word cancer.”

These words challenge the narratives society often places on people with cancer. Somewhere along the way—whether through movies, social media, or cultural expectations—we have oversimplified what it means to live with cancer. We often approach it as though there is one universal experience: diagnosis, treatment, triumph, and closure. But for many people, especially those living with brain cancer, there is no neat ending.

Someone may “look good” while carrying the invisible weight of ongoing scans, lifelong side effects, cognitive changes, fatigue, fear, grief, and uncertainty. Many young adults have had milestones interrupted or stolen entirely. Careers pause. Relationships change. Futures become harder to picture. Even after treatment ends, cancer often continues to shape daily life in ways others cannot see.

Young adults living with brain cancer are constantly trying to find peace while also navigating immense pressure from the outside world—to stay positive, to inspire others, to appear resilient, or to somehow make their illness more comfortable for those around them.

But perhaps what they need most is not to be told how strong they are.

Perhaps they need to be seen as whole people.

So this is my ask:

Before saying, “You look good,” pause and consider what someone may be carrying beneath the surface. If someone you love has been touched by brain cancer, take time to learn about what they have experienced. Don’t tell them how to feel. Don’t rush them toward gratitude or positivity. Meet them where they are.

Remind them they are more than their diagnosis.

Ask about their health, but don’t let it become the only conversation.

Most importantly, stay present. Sometimes the greatest gift we can offer is the willingness to listen without trying to fix what cannot be fixed.